The First Test: A resounding draw to England.

In the immortal words of D.Bumble Lloyd, England flippin murdered Australia at The Gabba this week. And what a crushing demoralising draw it was.

Whatever else happened over the five days, the scoreline "517 for 1" at the end of the England second innings is all you need to know to understand how horrible an experience this has been for Australia.

Not even the first-evening hat-trick to Peter Siddle, nor the career-lengthening 195 to Mike Hussey, nor the Tim-who? ton by Brad Haddin, can brighten the darkness from those satanic Anglo-South African mills which gave us the batting excellence of Strauss, Cook and Trott.

On the other side of the ledger? Take a big, long bow, Mitchell Johnson. You'll be back. But surely not in Adelaide. Has Cricket Australia arranged a connecting flight to take you back to Perth?

An engrossing Test ended unfinished on a pitch that was a complete contrast to the day-and-a-half Shield horror when New South Wales trounced Queensland. 0-0 with four Tests to play, it is hard to see how can Australia can win more Tests than England, the basic pre-requisite of regaining the Ashes. At this point it is hard to see how they can take the twenty wickets necessary to win just one.